(photo credit: Tricia Victoria Photography)
This has been a question popping up in my inbox a lot lately, from husbands, spouses, friends, mothers. firstly, i want to express how grateful i am to receive these messages. when i went through my first miscarriage, i didn't know where to seek support and more so, i was ashamed to ask for it. when it was the second and third time, i found an inner light in the darkness and knew it was my calling and purpose to share my experience with other women as support and wisdom for them to feel seen, heard and acknowledged on their healing journey.
from my husbands perspective, there is a unsettling amount of helplessness we feel when someone we love is experiencing pregnancy loss. from the perspective of the mother who is physically and emotionally going through the miscarriage process, no matter how much love and support you have, it feels extremely isolating and lonely, unless you've you been through it yourself.
experiencing miscarriage is a full body, mind and soul experience that is an up and down rollercoaster. it takes you through every step of the grieving process. one minute we just want it to be over with so we can move on and forget and maybe start trying again. the next we fall into the hopes, dreams and life we envisioned for ourself and our growing family. theres no timeline on your healing and it is not linear. it's okay to feel ALL of this, its okay for our feelings to change day by day, or sometimes hour by hour.
so....how can we offer support to ourselves and love ones during this time?
- hold space. this might change hourly but could looking like...giving her space alone, or holding her extra tight. verbalizing and physically showing her that whatever she needs, you're there to provide that space. don't make her ask for it. show up and just sit there. but if she needs to be alone, give that space too. if you have other little ones, take them out for a few hours to let mama rest, heal and reflect in peace. or....if she needs you to all be piled up in bed and tangled up together, be there too.
- the physical aspect of miscarriage CAN be essentially the same as labour and delivery, giving birth. depending on how far along in the pregnancy, her uterus may have contractions to remove the tissue. there may be large blood loss and clots each time she goes to the washroom, this can be the most physically and emotionally hardest part of the process. having a heating pad, electric blanket or hot water bottle for her to cuddle up with and keep warm can help make the moments between feel a lot more comforting.
- prepare. warming and easy to digest foods for her. soups, bone broth, oatmeal, tea, etc. use warming herbs such as ginger, cinnamon, turmeric, cardamom to help warm the body and womb, to replenish and repair blood loss and the digestive system following. our mother nurture organic tea is a wonderful support during this time as it uses raspberry leaf, nettle and oat straw to strengthen and tone the uterus and replenish vitamins, minerals and nutrients lost during blood and tissue loss.
- write a letter to your spirit baby. miscarriage for dads and partners can also be just as traumatic, but it a much quieter way. it can be hard for our partners to express sadness and disappointment they're experiencing, having fear of making mama feel worse. this is so so common. but dads, partners - you don't have to suffer in silence either. sit down together and write a letter to your spirit baby. tell them everything you're feeling and what you've hoped for. express to them your wishes and dreams for them and their soul as it progresses with its journey. let them know how much you love them and welcome them back earth side with open hearts when and if they are ready.
- forgive. forgive yourself, your body, your womb. place a hand on your heart and your womb and send healing love to your womb. thank her for getting you this far. the first thing we typically do as women is think something is wrong with us and hold anger and resentment towards ourself and our bodies. when at a cellular level, she needs us right now. use rose quartz healing crystals to reconnect with your heart and citrine to reconnect with your sacral chakra (womb space) and send loving light from your heart to your womb. this is so powerful in the healing process.
- lastly, when the time feels right, celebrate your journey, your strength and know that the lowest lows are often the biggest lights and learnings for us. life is a journey. there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in.
over the years, many women have shared their hearts and stories with me and that is the soul purpose of our Luna Rosa Village. you're not meant to do it alone. there is space for you here.
all the love and healing light,